* When I picked her up, she put her head on my shoulder, her arms around me, and patted my back :)
* When she stopped throwing her food on the floor to let me know she's done, and instead handed me her spoon and said, "No more."
* When she holds her stuffed bears and snuggles them while saying, "Aaaawww..."
* She gave me a kiss this morning and said, "There you go!"
* She started telling Mischa "Good girl!"
Friday, January 6, 2012
Charlotte's "Yes" zone...
I'm very much NOT big on chasing my toddler around saying things like, "No no no!" "Don't dump that out!" "You can't eat the dog food!" "Let go of the kitty's neck!" "That's breakable, don't throw it!" and things of that nature. It's totally exhausting, and having to do it while visiting childless homes is enough to motivate me into making sure Charlotte has a Yes Zone.
"Yes! We can have a tea party!" "Yes! You can push your babies in your stroller!" "Yes! You can color on that paper with Color Wonder markers that don't leave marks on the walls!" "Yes! you can dump your toys all over the floor and I don't have to pick them up so the dog doesn't eat them!" "Yes! You can take all of your books off the bookshelf!" "Yes! We can pretend to eat your cupcakes!" "Yes! Yes! Have at it kid! Explore, have fun!" Because these are the things she does when there aren't super fascinating and dangerous distractions all over the place. She learns through play and doesn't have to hear what she's doing WRONG five billion times a day.
My reasons for creating this space for her aren't entirely selfish, but I do like that I don't have to get off the phone every two seconds to "correct" or "redirect". That is mentally and physically taxing for both of us. Instead, my time is spent engaging with her and praising her new discoveries, teaching her new words, listening to what she tries to tell me about her books or her babies, and being able to have a telephone conversation without wondering when (not if) she's going to swallow something she shouldn't, or put something in her nose.
So, I said "Bye bye!" to my dreams of having a livingroom that resembled one from HGTV, and said, "Hello!" to one that is functional...for a toddler :) My couches are not perfectly lined up with my windows, and yes, it looks sort of odd. But who gives? There's a giant gate between my livingroom and my kitchen and it's a total eye sore, but guess who's got pink jammies and isn't playing in the dog bowl?
I have fielded questions about whether having this arrangement at home will inhibit Charlotte's ability to develop healthy boundaries and understand what she can and cannot play with since, right now, she can pretty much play with whatever she wants. My answer to those questions is basically that she doesn't spend every second of her life in the house, in the Zone. She has plenty of opportunity to be up to no good ;) Although I generally try very hard not to put her in situations that will result in my telling her No a hundred times a minute. I don't particularly think it's reasonable to expect a child her age to hear a set of directions two or three times and retain that information/boundary forever. Kids need practice in order to really understand a concept. For example, if the dog food is out at a relative's house and she is playing in it, I will tell her that it's not for her and she can't play with it. I'll do this maybe three times and then put the food away. Later, the food will be out once again and we will run this drill again. There's no way I'm spending 45 minutes teaching her to stay out of the dog food the first time she discovers it's there. I will add, though, that I feel this way now because she is only 18 months old. As she gets older, my expectations for information retention will rise.
BUT even school age children can't always be expected to hear "No" or the like one time and miraculously "obey" 100% of the time from then on. Sometimes, we need to just cut our losses and remove them from the situation (or remove the situation from them) and move on, try again later before everyone is nutso. One example that comes to mind is when I was teaching my 4th graders and one of my students kept tapping his pencil while anyone else was talking. I told him to stop...he didn't. I had two choices 1) tell him again and again until it ticked me off that he wasn't listening to me or 2) silently walk over, gently take the pencil and move on. I chose #2, and the point was made all the same, and took about 4 seconds of my time and zero percent of my sanity. Also, he didn't have to endure a lecture or public reprimanding. And I don't believe that the boundary issue was missed. I believe the same thing when dealing with my toddler. If she goes for my glasses, I put her down. Point made: go for my glasses, and you don't get to sit in my lap. If she throws her food on the ground from her high chair, I say "All done." and take the tray off. Point made: if she throws her food, her food goes away. If she goes for the cat's throat, I show her how to be soft and give her another chance before putting the cat at a safe distance. Point made. Bada bing, bada boom. I also believe that discussions and explanations absolutely should be a part of redirection, but I'm not about to be long-winded about it just yet.
My point in this is simply that I'm not comfortable with my child living these months of her life being scolded. And frankly, arguments seriously stress me out.
"Yes! We can have a tea party!" "Yes! You can push your babies in your stroller!" "Yes! You can color on that paper with Color Wonder markers that don't leave marks on the walls!" "Yes! you can dump your toys all over the floor and I don't have to pick them up so the dog doesn't eat them!" "Yes! You can take all of your books off the bookshelf!" "Yes! We can pretend to eat your cupcakes!" "Yes! Yes! Have at it kid! Explore, have fun!" Because these are the things she does when there aren't super fascinating and dangerous distractions all over the place. She learns through play and doesn't have to hear what she's doing WRONG five billion times a day.
My reasons for creating this space for her aren't entirely selfish, but I do like that I don't have to get off the phone every two seconds to "correct" or "redirect". That is mentally and physically taxing for both of us. Instead, my time is spent engaging with her and praising her new discoveries, teaching her new words, listening to what she tries to tell me about her books or her babies, and being able to have a telephone conversation without wondering when (not if) she's going to swallow something she shouldn't, or put something in her nose.
So, I said "Bye bye!" to my dreams of having a livingroom that resembled one from HGTV, and said, "Hello!" to one that is functional...for a toddler :) My couches are not perfectly lined up with my windows, and yes, it looks sort of odd. But who gives? There's a giant gate between my livingroom and my kitchen and it's a total eye sore, but guess who's got pink jammies and isn't playing in the dog bowl?
I have fielded questions about whether having this arrangement at home will inhibit Charlotte's ability to develop healthy boundaries and understand what she can and cannot play with since, right now, she can pretty much play with whatever she wants. My answer to those questions is basically that she doesn't spend every second of her life in the house, in the Zone. She has plenty of opportunity to be up to no good ;) Although I generally try very hard not to put her in situations that will result in my telling her No a hundred times a minute. I don't particularly think it's reasonable to expect a child her age to hear a set of directions two or three times and retain that information/boundary forever. Kids need practice in order to really understand a concept. For example, if the dog food is out at a relative's house and she is playing in it, I will tell her that it's not for her and she can't play with it. I'll do this maybe three times and then put the food away. Later, the food will be out once again and we will run this drill again. There's no way I'm spending 45 minutes teaching her to stay out of the dog food the first time she discovers it's there. I will add, though, that I feel this way now because she is only 18 months old. As she gets older, my expectations for information retention will rise.
BUT even school age children can't always be expected to hear "No" or the like one time and miraculously "obey" 100% of the time from then on. Sometimes, we need to just cut our losses and remove them from the situation (or remove the situation from them) and move on, try again later before everyone is nutso. One example that comes to mind is when I was teaching my 4th graders and one of my students kept tapping his pencil while anyone else was talking. I told him to stop...he didn't. I had two choices 1) tell him again and again until it ticked me off that he wasn't listening to me or 2) silently walk over, gently take the pencil and move on. I chose #2, and the point was made all the same, and took about 4 seconds of my time and zero percent of my sanity. Also, he didn't have to endure a lecture or public reprimanding. And I don't believe that the boundary issue was missed. I believe the same thing when dealing with my toddler. If she goes for my glasses, I put her down. Point made: go for my glasses, and you don't get to sit in my lap. If she throws her food on the ground from her high chair, I say "All done." and take the tray off. Point made: if she throws her food, her food goes away. If she goes for the cat's throat, I show her how to be soft and give her another chance before putting the cat at a safe distance. Point made. Bada bing, bada boom. I also believe that discussions and explanations absolutely should be a part of redirection, but I'm not about to be long-winded about it just yet.
My point in this is simply that I'm not comfortable with my child living these months of her life being scolded. And frankly, arguments seriously stress me out.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Logistics...
Sometimes things are easy. I love those times. The past few weeks have not been some of those times, and have required some a lot of logistical planning. I'm a planner anyhow so I'm not bothered by things not being super easy, so here is how my brain works as I encounter some of the issues that make it necessary to reroute my plans (fair warning--girl talk present in some of these situations, boys might be weirded out):
Situation #1:
I need to take a shower because...well...that's what people do. And I need to shave my legs somethin' fierce.
Problem:
Charlotte wants to be in the shower with me, and she clings to my legs as if touching anything else is touching hot lava. I can't shave my legs like that.
Solution:
Shave my legs as soon as I get in the shower, and let Charlotte play in the bathroom during that five minutes then bring her in with me so she'll stop crying.
Suck it up:
This is what happens in that five minutes...
So the moral of this story is that logistically and otherwise, I love my husband. And he needs to come home. But seriously, logistically he needs to come home.
Situation #1:
I need to take a shower because...well...that's what people do. And I need to shave my legs somethin' fierce.
Problem:
Charlotte wants to be in the shower with me, and she clings to my legs as if touching anything else is touching hot lava. I can't shave my legs like that.
Solution:
Shave my legs as soon as I get in the shower, and let Charlotte play in the bathroom during that five minutes then bring her in with me so she'll stop crying.
Suck it up:
This is what happens in that five minutes...
What you can't see in this picture are the three rolls of toilet paper and the two towels that she put in the shower with me. Apparently I need a better storage solution.
Situation #2:
I need to take the trash out...like a lot of trash. Like this much trash:
I feel like I need to explain my disgustingness first. Usually Matt takes the trash out and we never let it pile up like this.
Problem:
Matt has been TDY for six weeks, and still isn't home yet. So there goes that. YES I am perfectly capable of taking some measly trash bags out to the bin, but that presents a whole other set of problems. Our garage is detached. Behind the garage is the alley where the trash bin is located. So taking the trash out to the bin myself would require opening the garage door and leaving Charlotte inside by herself, which I can do (she has a totally childproofed area that she can stay in for five minutes), but I would need to leave the back door open so I can hear her if she needs me. If I leave the back door open, and the garage door is open, the dogs will get out and run all over town. Eh, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I kind of hate one of my dogs now anyway...
Solution:
Frankly I should have been taking a bag out at a time when I'm already going to the garage to go run some errands. Apparently I'm not a good enough planner. New solution: wait 'til Matt comes home.
Situation #3:
I've had a "system" for my cloth diapers for like a year. Everything is neatly put away in easily accessible organization bin type things. Charlotte has never really been too interested in them and left them alone...until recently. Now she takes everything out (diapers, inserts, everything), and then later comes to shove it all back in, as partially seen here:
Solution:
OBVIOUSLY I need a new storage system that she can't get into. Well...I have one. I bought a dresser that I can store everything in and put child lock things on so she can't run amok with the dipes. Buuuut there's a little issue with that right now. The dresser is in the back of my car. It is heavy. I am pregnant. My husband is gone. This one waits 'til the hubs gets back.
Situation #4:
It snows. The sidewalks need shoveling.
Problem:
It's not too much snow to shovel being pregnant. It's not like there are 8 inches of it out there. But there's a toddler in the house who is too heavy for me to wear, and can't be left inside alone.
Solution:
Sorry. Not doing it.
So the moral of this story is that logistically and otherwise, I love my husband. And he needs to come home. But seriously, logistically he needs to come home.
Monday, December 19, 2011
For the First Time in History...
I am absolutely, 100%, completely READY for Christmas. I'm super serious, too. D.O.N.E. For realz. Every gift is bought, wrapped, and shipped. I've baked (um...and eaten most of the following) banana nut bread, two pans of brownies, three dozen sugar cookies (frosted and sprinkled), and two dozen oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. In my defense---most of the cookies are in the freezer out of my immediate reach. Sadly, most of the brownies have perished. The tree and the house are decorated and we are ready for Santa :)
My memories of Christmas time growing up are divine. Always lots of baking, a pretty tree, lots and lots of family. The family is all over the place now, and we're beginning our own traditions with Charlotte. It's a bit sad, in a way, to have to leave my childhood Christmas behind and be on the other side of it, but I hope I can create the same wonderfully warm memories for my children that I have of Christmas.
So this year, like last year, we will be ordering pizza on Christmas Eve and having hot chocolate with whipped cream towers, then digging through our stockings and watching movies. Christmas morning is all about a big breakfast and opening gifts, then sitting around enjoying the lazy morning before starting dinner. Just the three of us, hangin' out, cooking, eating, and watching A Christmas Story on a loop on TBS. Pictures to come, Merry Christmas!
My memories of Christmas time growing up are divine. Always lots of baking, a pretty tree, lots and lots of family. The family is all over the place now, and we're beginning our own traditions with Charlotte. It's a bit sad, in a way, to have to leave my childhood Christmas behind and be on the other side of it, but I hope I can create the same wonderfully warm memories for my children that I have of Christmas.
So this year, like last year, we will be ordering pizza on Christmas Eve and having hot chocolate with whipped cream towers, then digging through our stockings and watching movies. Christmas morning is all about a big breakfast and opening gifts, then sitting around enjoying the lazy morning before starting dinner. Just the three of us, hangin' out, cooking, eating, and watching A Christmas Story on a loop on TBS. Pictures to come, Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Vacations with Babies...
...are not really vacations at all. Especially when your other half is not "vacationing" with you. Here's why you need to bring back up.
* Two extra hands to fish random stuff (that belongs to your relatives and is usually breakable or an heirloom) out of the toilet.
* You'd be surprised how difficult it is to unload groceries or shopping bags...or anything for that matter...in six inches of snow with a child on your hip because you can't leave them alone inside the un-childproofed house.
* At some point you're going to want to eat (sleep, have a conversation, handle a crisis, be able to hear your own thoughts for two seconds) on this trip.
* Childproofing means very different things to different people...even if they have kids.
* The child you have at home is not the child you have on vacation. Suddenly they do weirdo things like pinch, hit your mother's dog, and totally flip out when you try to go to the bathroom...or make a phone call...or breathe.
* If you are a "napper" you can kiss that pipe dream goodbye.
At least you leave with a greater appreciation for your hubs (plus great pictures and memories).
* Two extra hands to fish random stuff (that belongs to your relatives and is usually breakable or an heirloom) out of the toilet.
* You'd be surprised how difficult it is to unload groceries or shopping bags...or anything for that matter...in six inches of snow with a child on your hip because you can't leave them alone inside the un-childproofed house.
* At some point you're going to want to eat (sleep, have a conversation, handle a crisis, be able to hear your own thoughts for two seconds) on this trip.
* Childproofing means very different things to different people...even if they have kids.
* The child you have at home is not the child you have on vacation. Suddenly they do weirdo things like pinch, hit your mother's dog, and totally flip out when you try to go to the bathroom...or make a phone call...or breathe.
* If you are a "napper" you can kiss that pipe dream goodbye.
At least you leave with a greater appreciation for your hubs (plus great pictures and memories).
November...
Well we can all agree that this "picture a day" thing aint happening :) But here are some highlights from November!
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