I realize that we've only been adults for around 10 years or so, but here are some things you may need to be refreshed on. First, empty things go in the trash can. Second, don't ever tell me again to "Just sleep longer," when Charlotte is awake and crawling all over me in bed. Newsflash, we have a baby. Have a lovely day.
By now I thought you'd notice that nighttime is for sleep. Clearly I am the mistaken one. I'd like to add that I know you hate it, but you must have a diaper on for the majority of the day. Also, your poop stinks. I'd like for you to stop the experimental screaming that could shatter windows. And I hope you haven't noticed that your adorable looks have saved you the stink eye from mommy about ten bajillion times. Oh, and you will be going to Morning Out on Monday, that's for damn sure. By the way, the little dance you're doing right now is helping me forget that you made me want to stick chopsticks in my ears last night.
I've heard of this kind of thing happening about a bajillion times and I thought I'd come up with a good come-back if it ever happened to me, but at 7am, running on 3 hours of sleep and the panic of not getting a deposit made in time, I totally disappointed myself, damn it!
First thing yesterday morning I had to go to the store to get some ink for our printer...which, incidentally, won't perform non-printing functions unless BOTH ink cartridges are full *sigh*. What a lovely reason to have to drop 30 bucks on ink that's not necessary as the first thing on my to-do list after Char woke up no fewer than 75 times the night before. Anyways, it was a steamy 55 degrees here in the Great White North and the peanut had sweat pants, a onesie (with sleeves), and some wicked cool tube socks on. I didn't put a jacket on her because she gets warm easily and I had her in the ring sling (that covers her up to her neck). I say this preemptively in case anyone decides to take this lady's side.
So, bleary eyed and maybe hallucinating, I find this furking ink and check out. I guess this woman's altruism just overcame her because she about called child services because Char didn't have a jacket on. Perhaps God put her on this planet to school all the stupid moms out there...but my own theory is that she needs a damn life and some grandkids to freak out about. "Goodness sakes MOMMY! That child needs a JACKET!" And my pathetic response, "She's ok." I was even mildly chipper about it! GRRRR!
But like we ALL do, I came up with a good one once I got home and squeezed in a 7 minute nap. (Clearing throat), "I got her through the 50 below weather we just had for 7 months, I don't think 55 ABOVE ZERO is going to give her pneumonia!" And anyone who lives in this region knows that TECHNICALLY, 55 is good enough to sunbathe in. Anyways, she had a stupid old lady hat on so I figure she's told she's an idiot enough times during her day.
Two days ago I gave my last final exam of the semester, and I don't think I will be going back to teaching here again in the Fall for a variety of reasons. The first is that one of the classes I have been teaching will only be offered in the Spring. The other course I have been teaching is 4 hours out of town via some treacherous Montana terrain, and after a semester off from teaching that course, I have decided that it's not something I'm interested in doing again. Too stressful, and I'm all about destressing these days.
I hate stress. More for Charlotte than for myself. Not to say that I don't want to punch stress in the face when I'm stressed...because I DO! But Charlotte deserves a mom who's not stressed and at her wits end when the toaster isn't working. So...it's now My Life as Stay at Home Mommy. How do I feel about that...
First, and foremost, I feel BLESSED. So many moms can only dream of being able to stay home with their babies. I never thought I'd be so fortunate. So, that makes me thankful as well. To my husband, to the Air Force.
Now on to the more complicated feelings. I worked very hard to become a teacher and I loved it. Not every day, but it was my calling professionally. I never wanted to do anything else. I had a play classroom when I was 5. And when I married into the military I was hell bent on maintaining my identity, only to realize that teaching is not my identity. It is what I do, not who I am. Which makes this transition much easier. Had I had to give this up any sooner I'd be crushed.
I haven't mourned this at all...yet. I'm revelling in the idea of not having to work outside the home. I'm enjoying it while the feeling lasts, because my crystal ball tells me that the days are coming when I'll be wishing for a break from the homestead and the million-mile to-do list that is attached to it. Like being a teacher isn't my identity, being a stay at home mom won't be either. It will be difficult to keep myself understanding that, particularly in a world where we ARE defined by our jobs to society. When people ask, "What do you do?" it's code for, "Who are you?" And I hate the fact that so many of us feel like we need to add to our description of ourselves by saying, "but I did XYZ before the baby was born." As if to say, "I was once really important!" Barf! At least that's how I feel when I say I stay home.
BUT letting go of what I do outside the home comes with a price. School was expensive, damn it! And I spent a lot of years preparing for my career. I can't count the all-nighters. AND my first couple of years teaching were pretty brutal. And, not to toot my own horn, but I'm a damn good teacher. But the grand plan is to go back when all my children, present and future, are in school full time. So I can't dwell on it too much. I will teach again, but until then I will snuggle my baby and make memories and take another ten thousand pictures.